It was a gorgeous day at Woodland Park Zoo, and by gorgeous I mean cool and overcast and threatening just enough rain today to make it feel like we had the whole damn place to ourselves, and that’s saying an awful lot on a summer day.
Even better? As soon as we walked into the west entrance, one of the peacocks we often see was fully erect. Er, in total bloom, or plume. Whatever, ALL HIS GODDAMN FEATHERS WERE OUT AND HE WAS PRETTY AS ALL HELL.
So I stop the stroller a good ten yards back, tell Eliot to stay right there with Nola and start slowly approaching him with my camera, because if there’s one thing I hate it’s birds, and if there’s one thing I really hate it’s a really BIG bird, and right now this big-ass bird with all his kaleidoscope feathers fanned out looks a whole lot like a pissed-off dog with his hair standing straight up, and I don’t need a new blog post enough to go getting myself chased around the zoo by a peacock with his tit in a wringer.
But just as I get about 10 feet away from him, this boy of about 5 jumps right in front of me, followed by his parents, and then keeps walking toward the bird. And I’m thinking, “Well that‘s just not a good idea,” and, “Well this just can’t end well,” and “That poor little boy who can’t help having been born to stupid folk. . .” and the parents are laughing and smiling like it’s the most precious thing they’ve ever seen when BAM!, the peacock PECKS HIM IN THE FACE!!
That’s precisely when I took this super-awesome picture:
(Yeessss, the boy was fine, just crying and scared, nothing but a PERMANENTLY MARRED PSYCHE and BIRD PHOBIA, little things a few decades on the couch won’t take care of. . .)
But seriously, did these people not grasp the concept of “wild animals?” Did they fail to realize we are at a ZOO? That there’s a reason most of the creatures they paid money to see are behind walls? Or were they suffering from some sort of delusion that unless there’s a pen involved, we’re actually in a fucking Pixar film? Like they stepped away from the lion exhibit and all of a sudden the whole fucking place turned into “Madagascar 2”?
Honestly, y’all are lucky my Mom works at DSHS and some of her coworkers told her I was cute at the company picnic, ’cause you idiot parents ARE driving me to carry a flask on my person and when they finally bust me I’m gonna need all the sweet-on-me DSHS help I can get. . .