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On balance

Me: So you know how last week we had that talk about how I need to take better care of myself, and part of that was taking at least one night off a week for myself?

Mike: Jesus, do I ever.

Me: Hard to forget, right? What with you just going to a little after-work happy hour with the co-workers, bowling a frame or two. And then you said you’d be home at 7 to help with Ellie’s preschool drawing project, but then you were 15 minutes late. But probably you were late because I asked you to stop and pick up my meds on the way home, which if you hadn’t’a done you’d’ve been all tied up the next day or two trying to peel me off the ceiling, so sorry I got pissed about you being late.

Mike: Apology accepted.

Me: But then I asked you to help with Ellie’s art project, and in hindsight I did sorta totally lose my shit about whether you were “effectively guiding the girls” by lettin’ em scribble all over the paper.

Mike: Babe. They’re TWO AND THREE. It’s Ellie’s first preschool art project, and the assignment was to color in their handprints, not INTRO TO FIGURE DRAWING. I’m just saying you’re maybe starting to. . . lose a little perspective.

Me: Right. Because I spend all my time with the girls or doing things related to them, and unlike you I don’t have outlets like “happy hour” and “lunch” and “adult conversations” to maintain relative sanity. So by the time you get home I’m like a well-shaken Coke bottle just dying for you to say, “DAMN, I’M THIRSTY!”

Mike: Exactly. I’ve told you plenty of times, I’ll give you every opportunity to have nights to yourself as often as you like — this isn’t a prison sentence, you know. All you need to do is set it up and give me a little notice.

Me: That’s awesome, because I think I’m starting to go a little crazy, and I definitely think I could do something on Wednesday.

Mike: Why, what’s going on Wednesday?

Me: Jillian and I are going out for drinks!

(Beat.)

Mike: Lesbians.

Me: (Rolls eyes and storms away.)

13 Comments

  • Jillian

    October 6, 2009 at 5:45 pm

    I’m happy to have “adult conversations” with you anytime, babe. Tell Mike I believe the appropriate phrase is “bi-curious”.

    And I agree I must agree that it is necessary to give your daughters guidance in their coloring. Otherwise, fast forward 17 years, and they are turning in resumes that are CENTER ALIGNED and in SIZE 16 FONT. I wish this was not a personal experience I am drawing from. But yet it is. Oh, the student resumes….

    Reply
    • Mortie

      October 8, 2009 at 11:47 am

      It is nigh-impossible to guide a two and/or three year old with a crayon, unless they’re recreating Jackson Pollocks.

      Marilyn Monroe was once a size 16, you know, and she centered *well*. šŸ™‚

      Reply
    • Tracy

      October 7, 2009 at 1:51 pm

      Do you have the same prob, CG — making time for you and you alone, outside the house and the gym and the usual haunts? Because I’m pretty sure without it, a girl could get homicidal, and that when Mike worries aloud about “being stabbed in the middle of the night,” that shit is NOT hyperbole.

      Reply
      • cardiogirl

        October 8, 2009 at 2:54 am

        Yeah, but I really am a loner by nature. I definitely rely on and enjoy my workouts as a chance to meditate and be alone with my thoughts but I always want more time alone.

        In a sense, time alone recharges my batteries and I’m amazed at how quickly I can adapt to scheduled time alone and then feel that’s not enough.

        I’m thinking most specifically of the days when all three kids are at school from 8am until 3pm. That happens on Mon, Wed and Fri.

        Believe it or not, after one week of that I started to feel like that time FLEW BY!

        I guess it’s never enough but it truly is enough to keep my inner maniac’s scissors at bay.

        And like you said, while amusing that shit is definitely not hyperbole.

        Reply
  • Faith

    October 23, 2009 at 5:10 pm

    Hola Tracy

    I must admit that I stumbled here because I was curious about you from that whole Ed Norton comment on CG’s blog. It’s a great thing my curiousity it leads me in so many fantabulous directions.

    Anywho I found this conversation to be hoo-larious, from both your and Mike’s perspective. For whatever reason I am completely amazed and apprehensively awestruck by stay at home moms. Maybe it’s because it’s so far from my own life.

    In any event, I hope you got out Wednesday!

    Reply

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