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Crap that scares the crap out of me

So there I am today at Fred Meyer, perusing the kiddie sales clothes because I’m a cheap bitch frugal consumer, when I notice this among the girls socks and panties:


Now let’s just for a moment forget the fact that this rack — fine, I went there — is standing precisely between the infant and toddler girls’ clothes sections. We are knee-high in Doraville here, people, tit-deep in Tinktow– erm, YEAH.

And you know, whatever, Ellie and Nola like to pick up Mommy’s bras and put them on and run around the house yelling “BOOBS!!” to anyone who’ll listen, so at first I think it’s some kind of pretend bra there in the infant/toddler area, and maybe around the next aisle I’ll find the pretend Mydol and pretend waxing kits, and why don’t I carry Xanax on my person again, anyway?

But then I actually take a good close look at the tag and realize, “Oh, because I would’ve swallowed half the bottle here in the Fred Meyer TODDLER BRA SECTION and poor Nola wouldn’t be able to unstrap herself from the cart to drive herself home.”

Because that tag, friends, reads “30 A/8,” and if you don’t know anything about kiddie clothing sizes, that “8” means THAT BRA IS DESIGNED FOR AN 8-YEAR-OLD GIRL.

Now I understand that early puberty is an issue these days, what with all the hormones in the meat and dairy, but HOLY FUCKETY FUCK. I think it’s safe to say that when Ellie and Nola are 8 — in the THIRD GRADE, fer chrissakes — I’d rather they be focused on their multiplication tables, and which latest version of a Jonas Brother is cuter, and who’s a bigger buttface, Mommy or Daddy (totally Daddy, girls) instead of having to choose between underwire or seamless and worrying about their MOTHERFUCKING CUP SIZE.

(Also? Why I’ll consume nothing but water and expired Monsanto seeds stamped with a fucking nuclear warning symbol if it means keeping them on the organic tit and keeping the tits the hell offa them.)



  • Nancy Corcoran

    August 7, 2009 at 7:42 pm

    Dude, I was in the Uber-Meyer today too! Was killing some time between appts.
    I had a friend in jr. high that started menstruating when she was 9, but things like this seemed to be the exception at the time. As I understand it now, it’s much more common, along with needing ‘adult’ sized undergarments before you hit 12 or so. :/

  • Tracy

    August 8, 2009 at 5:34 pm

    It’s gonna be 12 for them just like it was for me and my friends, and just like it was in “Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret” for Margaret and all HER friends! (Or I can possibly die trying, and hoping, or in some combination of the two. . .)


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