She curls into a hot parenthesis against me, tiny hands and feet twitching in ballet dreams. I gather the bedclothes over a wisp of porcelain shoulder: flanneled sheets, down comforter with a sueded duvet; February, and the weight of bedding has not been altered since the winter prior. “Mama’s bed,” she’d whispered before squirreling in,…
White-trash hybrid
Across the street from Eliot’s preschool is an auto repair shop, and every day I see this exceptional piece of American engineering parked out front: Yeah, I know: BITCHIN’!! But why do I really care? Because if you look closely, you’ll realize it’s an El Camino. . . with the front end of a Camaro….
Getting an early start on Christmas
So when I came across these today on the interwebs, I didn’t see a matricidal Sally Draper at an AA meeting in 1977, I saw THE MOTHER OF ALL LAMINATED PLACEMATS: Merry Christmas, girls! Yeahyeah, I know they’re three-and-a-half and two, but expert bartending is like being multilingual — best started in Pull-Ups. Besides, just…
All these years of toil and typing my fingers to bloody nubs, and FINALLY some solid data of my interwebs stardom!
Oh, Google Analytics, do you never cease to amuse? (PS: Seriously, Mike, all you had to do was come upstairs and ask.) (PPS: For the record, the only “naked” pics of me are a few topless sunbathing shots taken by assorted boyfriends on assorted foreign beaches. Then again, I’m drunk and stupid often enough that…
On being an anatomical freak
To the naked eye, I look fairly pulled together. Some have even said “attractive,” though those people have never seen me when I realize TiVo’s eaten an episode of “Bridezillas.” And the liquor store is closed. On the INSIDE, however, there’s a whole lotta weird shit going on, courtesy of my esteemed forebears, whom I’m…