I’ve never worked in marketing, so my grasp of direct mail optimization is, at best, layperson: somewhere, my name and address have been coded into a database indicating that I purchased X or contributed to Y, thereby indicating I might want to throw money at Z. While mailing list sellers and database analysts rake in…
Ortliebs, meet my friend RALPH.
Just look at this face: Precious, right? So trusting, so innocent, yes? Because that’s the face that over the course of a single week laid waste to four generations of family, a week that will heretofore live in infamy as Ortlieb Annual Family Reunion: VomitCon ’08.
Because the Patriot Act SAYS I can.
Nola’s living in the basement. This isn’t optimal, but her sleep schedule doesn’t yet match Eliot’s, and the basement felt less “DSHS-anonymous-tipline” than the garage. Also, we kind of got over the Preciously Detailed Nursery with the first one, because it turns out babies are tiny design- and color-wheel-oblivious ingrates, and because you get over…
Beer taste, champagne budget
A few years back, my parents decided retirement sounded like a swell change, and moved permanently from the bubbalopolis of Jacksonville, FL, to their weekend lake place in Salt Springs. I’d call Salt Springs “out in the sticks,” but it’s more like if the sticks had backwaters that secluded a moss-choked armpit. How they even…
We’re calling her Mirena
A few weeks ago, I went to bed a normal human and woke up an anatomical freak. Because there I was, lying flat on my back, and one side of my stomach was literally an inch higher than the other. Junior scientist that I am, I immediately began gathering observable and empirical data on the…
Cribs
Given our largely improvisational, seat-of-the-pants approach to existence, Michael and I are surprisingly skilled at planning things: fun crap like parties and vacations, long-term projects like getting Amazon to throw some partner benefits my way, even bonerkillers like how to pay for large unexpected expenses. (And yes, Moses, I am looking at your bionic knee,…
True Tales of Instant Karma
More months ago than I can remember, I ran across a news item that the Dalai Lama would be visiting Seattle. And to guarantee an audience with His Holiness, I nobly surmounted death-defying obstacles of Himalayan scale — which is to say, I linked to the sponsoring organization, requested a few free tickets, clicked send,…