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Not available in your grocer’s deli

Michael: “What the hell is ‘v-a-j’?” Me: “Stop playing dumb, you can’t expect a five-year-old to be a perfect speller. Obviously, she’s asking for some old vadge.” Michael: “I’m really disappointed in that spelling.” Me: “Frankly, I’d always thought fresh was preferred. I’m just relieved to discover there’s a market for the well-seasoned vadge. Tick-tock,…

Baby, you’re SMOKIN’!

You ever have those moments when you question whether despite the hip-high stack of parenting books you’ve read, or all the research into products, or all the money you dump into preschool, or all the organic foods you buy, or all the countless thousands of hours of thoughtful nurturing and caregiving, you’re STILL fucking up…

Her limerick was filthier

So in a moment alone together the other night, the four-year-old pipes up with a fragment of her latest mental gymnastics: “Mama! ‘Bell’ rhymes with ‘HELL’!!” Precious, am I right?! I mean, that’s one adorable plate-load of Sugar/Spice/Nice&#169 we’ve got right there! (And I wonder why none of the other preschool Mommies will talk to…